I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
