you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
