then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just found a bag of teeth...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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