So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
