I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It's just like the Real World with babies
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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