He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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