Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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