someone owes me an orgasm
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
