I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
