On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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