CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
