I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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