I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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