did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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