in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
