There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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