So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
