I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
