I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
