It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
