I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
