I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
