Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
