No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
