so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
