That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
