Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
