what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
