I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
