If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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