How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
