True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
