shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
