I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
