in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize