You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
