I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Two words: nipple clamps
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