you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize