Swine flu. Run for my life!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
