i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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