A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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