Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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