Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize