dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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