I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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