is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
