the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
