I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
