The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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