Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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