Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
