I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The air taste purple.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
