tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
