First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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