you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
