This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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