Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
