Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize