Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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