if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
