God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
