And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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