Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
