the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
