wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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