I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
