My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
