swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
