Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
