I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
