nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
