remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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