that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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