I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
